A Heart’s Sacred Geometry

Published November 1, 2013 | Blessingsingratitude.com

 

How do we sometimes get love so wrong? When love is a means to control others, when love is hurtful to ourselves or others– that is not love.

Many times What we think is love is actually control wrapped up in a pretty bow and presented as love. Hopefully we’re past that now. Xoxo

 

The first 10 years of heartache.

 

I tried to put 10 people into my heart at one time

And zip it up around them

Thinking it would stop them

From making mistakes

That I had made

Because I could see the futility.

 

But all it did was cause my heart to bleed,

With 10 people shoved uncomfortably in it.

And then I wondered why they kept doing the

Same things over

And over

And over

Again

 

And my heart hurt

And my back hurt.

From carrying ten people.

So I opened my heart wider.

And I put them in deeper.

Into the deepest parts of my soul.

Into places I was afraid to look.

Down alleys I often went wandering

Just after dusk

Right before sleep’s dreams

Carried me away on her pale horse

With that dark rider.

 

I stuffed them in…

And in

And in

And in.

And when they were in I took them with me.

All over the country,

From coast-to-coast.

I showed them rocky cliffs and rolling hills.

We saw the planes and valleys.

We went to Pow Wows and felt the drum beat in our blood

Until we thought our Souls would fall out.

We prayed to the moon under naked stars

And talked to trees

And listened to their wispy voices as they

Spoke on the winds and talked back.

We drank and we drank and we drank

And when we could no longer stand we crawled into bed, us 11

And we silently said our prayers to the creators of Heaven and Earth

And we drifted off to sleep

And we journeyed on.

Then for 10 years we slept.

And when the little teachers came to wake us up

We awoke with a start!

We awoke with a laugh!

We awoke with a fright!

We awoke to see what the world had been up to since our slumber

(Not much)

10 people packed into my body.

10 people creaking.

10 people haunting my dreams.

I miss them when I am awake.

My heart breaks when I wake up dreaming about them.

I think it’s time to let them go now.

 

The Second Time Around- Did I Learn Anything?

I opened my heart wide

And tried to put 10 people in it.

I tried to hold them there

And love them

And heal their hurts

And pains

With love.

But people don’t fit in human hearts.

They wouldn’t fit.

They wouldn’t go in there.

No matter how hard I tried,

And squished,

And squashed.

No matter how open wide

I opened to the universe,

My loving mournful prayer

For their perfect souls.

Free agency kept them on their own path,

(Thank God!)

In their own perfect skin

Outside my own tiny heart

A shrunken walnut heart in comparison.

Inadequate

To heal the hurts of my dear eternal sojourners.

I unzipped them.

One at a time.

Removing dingy flight-suits—

Like paper dolls,

Flicking them away,

Into the compost heap,

Illusions really—

Borrowed shells made of corn husks and stitched together with burlap thread.

White, Celestial light spilling forth all around them,

Blinding us,

Swirling in ancient patterns,

Mathematical symbols on naked walls…

And yet they still walk blindly,

Stumbling as they go,

Flailing arms around themselves wildly,

Automatons.

They just don’t see themselves

Alabaster figures,

Perfect.

Divine.

Templates of the Gods.

Their human eyes are trained to see only dark places,

Stuck in shadows of former selves and yesterdays

Only seeing their lost and fallen states,

Their “you wouldn’t love me anyway”s.

And so, now, seeing that it is not possible,

For 10 people to fit in one tiny human heart,

I cut 10 silky cords and 10 amber threads,

And release them into the universe.

I see them walking their own paths…

Sure footed.

Self-assured.

Strong.

Noble and proud, they stand upright and pleased.

Each one on a path of their own choosing and design,

Carved specifically for the lessons and

To partake of the feasts of their own enterprise.

Their grand intention a priceless creation.

The masters priceless treasures

Would weep to behold.

11 perfect souls.

11 perfect hearts.

11 perfects bodies.

And my heart,

And my body,

And my mind at peace now.

Knowing all is well.

 

And so it is.

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