Confusion.

Are you
My head?
My heart?
Or my soul?
I begin to let you go
And something says
Wait.
What about this?
Is this my head plotting?
Or my heart longing?
Or my soul recognizing.
So what if you’re really him?
What then?
If your human vessel
And my vessel
Want a life experience
We just can’t remember
Yet.
We both have
Everything
Already within
We both have full capacity
For whatever we choose
So then the answer must be
That this time on
The wheel
Was not meant to
Be lived this way.
Three years
Would have been
More painful
To me
From my perspective
At the time.
Today three years
Would be
An eternity.
We could slow 3 in 30
300
600
900 years
In 3.
We could savor each moment
So that it expands to fill
An entire page
In our books of life.
But you don’t want
Whatever it is
You think is going
To go down here.
Is it me
Or is it you
That you need faith in?
Trust?
Belief?
Maybe this vessel
Just isn’t your style
This time around.
That’s not the case here.
After we set aside
The human
Temper tantrum,
The way I feel
Is clear.
The essence of who you are
Intreagues me
Holds my attention
Attracts the best parts of me.
Your kindness
Teases the devil
To mercy.
I don’t listen
I’m not patient.
Except with you.
My teacher is even –
Frustrated with me –
I respect him
I don’t mean to be
Stubborn
But I also hear the drum
Beating in this
Left ear
Ba. Da-dada-dada. Ba. Da-dadada. Ba.
Mother’s drum
Calls me
In circles
And at crossings
This figure eight
Tightening
Gears slipping
Back into
Rightful places.
Ba. Da-dada-dada. Ba. Da-dadada. Ba.
Kali does not need
Her Shiva
But that doesn’t mean
He’s not wanted.
Patience is
Me choosing
To stay the course.
My course:
Family
My training
School.
If letting go
Is this difficult
Is this my
Head?
Heart? Or
Soul?
Who isn’t in agreement
What’s the complaint?
My head says
“Let him go so he can be
Whatever
Whomever
He wants to be.”
My head says
“Life is better with him in it.”
My heart says
“Do not hurt him. Let him go!
Love is a mercy
He deserves grace.”
My heart says
“Whatever is highest and best shall be the rule.”
My soul says
“There is never any missing.
You’ve done this for eons.
You’ll do it again.
You’ll meet in the formless
Where there is no time
And enter
Into other playgrounds
(You never loved Earth the way I did.
Thank you for heeding my call.
Next time we’ll
Do it your way
As I recall
You loved the higher flying
Electrical
Crystalline
Fast moving
Plasma beings
Far simpler.
Far less limited.
But never Earth.
Never Gaia.
She is and will always be
My souls first love.
Yes sex and adventure
And answering my call.
If that’s all that’s holding you here
I would see that you have it all
In this soul-skin
As repayment for
Doing it my way
This time
Many times.)
My soul says
“Trust your training
Trust your teacher
Trust the process
And trust your General.
Your job is to let go
On your own
The way you agreed
To do this part.
Let it go.”

speak.

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