Lovelife.

I held fast
To a purpose and
Plan,
Until someone
Told me
That I deserved
Better.
I gave as I
Chose,
Not to you,
Not for you,
But for me
Because I wanted
A good
And glorious life;
Until someone
Told me
I should expect more.
I didn’t mind,
I could handle
The little
Setbacks and
Disappointments,
Because I had me
And I was enough
Until someone else
Told me
That I wasn’t.
I wasn’t hurting,
It didn’t feel bad,
I was my own
Woman –
Perhaps a little
Naive,
Perhaps a little
Shy –
But happy with
Me,
Okay with myself,
And intent on
Living
For no one else;
Until someone else
Told me
I should have
Held a much
Bigger world.
I chose
To want.
I chose
To desire.
I chose
To reach.
I chose
To aspire;
To climb,
To stand,
To run,
To crawl.
I listened to
The judgement of
Very broken
And confused
People, who
Turned love
Around to be
Used as a weapon
Or tool or a
Loan,
To barter for
Things
To blackmail
And blame.
I’d no
Sense of what
Life would be
When lived with
Conditions
Setting the rules
Of the game.
Now I’ve traveled
Full circle
And back at the
Start,
I’ve turned
Inward and outward
And poured out
My heart,
And what I’ve found
Inside has never
Changed,
Just was twisted
And confused
Out of loneliness
And pain.
The love that I
Offered was never
Repentant,
But I’d never
Blamed it a sin,
I’d only wished
For a clear
Crystal vision.
It may have been
As good as it
Could ever have been,
Those who played
Their roles
Did so with
Perfection,
And I needed things
Which others could
Never afford for
I needed to see
That yes,
I was always
Worthy;
Even though satisfied
With a whole lot less,
I’d have wasted
Away and apathy
Would have had
My best.
I never needed
Nor wanted
A thing
From anyone else,
It was always
Me:
I’d needed to
Be true to
Myself.
So here I am
Right back at the
Start,
Feeling as though
I’ve learned
That life’s really
A farce.
Fools playing games
Protecting their
Hearts,
And I’m the
Biggest fool
Because I know
Better than
All.
There’s nothing
To lose,
There’s nothing
To bruise,
There’s nothing
To hurt here,
There’s nothing
To waste.
The openness of
A young naive girl
Made the wisest
Companion,
For nothing was
Ever at stake.
There was nothing
To lose and
Everything to be
Built,
By tending to
Herself
And allowing her
Partner to be
Who he was
Whatever that
Meant;
Because she was
Content
With her life
Small and
Well-lived in.
This adventure
Has taken her to
Far and foreign
Delights, and
She’s laughed her way
Through,
It’s been
A helluva
Ride.
Perhaps there’ve
Been disappointments –
More than a few –
And maybe some
Loss and love
Misplaced.
But what really
Is ever
The fear?
What is worth holding
Back for?
What is at loss?
No one can ever take
Me
From me,
And no one can
Ever cause
My spirit
To flee.
So playfully
Open,
Patient and wise,
I continue to
Adventure
And look
To the horizon.
It’s not about
More,
It’s not about
Worth,
It’s not about
Having what I’ve
Always deserved.
It’s about
Time –
It is time –
The convergence
Is true.
All paths lead
To this one,
All steps
Carry
Me to you.
There’s nothing to
Protect
Or defend,
But this time
I begin with
Abundance
Via experience
And wisdom –
This new love
Life begins.

speak.

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